Peeling the onion – I am “Love.”
Welcome back!
Image by Μя.Ćăv㣣ǐ ™ via Flickr
In my darkest days, I was suicidal. Looking back now it doesn’t even make sense, why my mind could worked that way. I guess when you are so far into the deep end, you really can’t see straight. After one of my episode, my house mate / best friend Kirk got me professional help. He had found a professional who was willing to help me, at a price that he can afford. Kirk told me he is willing to pay for it, for as long as I was willing to go get the help and do the work. So that is how I got started with my journey of finding “Love” with the help of Lisa, that’s her name.
In Lisa’s office I learned that I can be the best parent to me, I can give myself everything that was missing in my spirit. I can be loving, forgiving, nurturing, understanding and giving to me; another word I learned to love myself.
It wasn’t easy. I peeled off many layers in her office, layers that I wasn’t aware that was there. I remember one day in particular, Lisa told me to go take one action for myself. The point was to do one thing was just for me, something that has nothing to do with anybody else. Wow, all this time, I was so busy doing everything for everyone else, because I was hoping for someone to love me back! Do something just for ME!? What should I do? What do I want to do?
So, at eleven O’clock that night I went to Del Taco, at the drive thru I ordered french fires. From that day on, I begin to take little action every day. Something that I can do to show myself that I “Love” me. That’s right I found “Self Love” with a pack of Del Taco’s French Fires!
As I begin to full my soul with love, forgiveness, nurture, understanding and giving. I start to know who I am; I start to feel loved more and more each day. Eventually I became “Love”. I am Love.
Giovanna Garcia
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I have found self-love in many places….in a bottle of nail polish, in chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and my favorite, indulging in a book. I have always been a giving person, but when I became a mother it grew exponentially. I found myself giving so much to this beautiful little person, I lost myself somewhere in the motherhood experience. Speaking to other moms now, I hear it’s quite common. I lost touch of friends, rarely went out, except for the grocery store and didn’t make the time for the hobbies I once enjoyed. I wasn’t depressed or regretful. I just didn’t realize what was happening to me. It wasn’t until nearly two years later, I was having a conversation with Hugo’s business partner’s wife when she asked me “What do you do for fun?” This was my moment of realization! I didn’t have a single answer for her. I have spent the past years in “Mommyland”, that I hadn’t spent anytime on myself. From that moment on I knew as much as I LOVED my baby and my family, I needed to love me again, too. So, needless to say, I’ve gone through plenty of nail polishes, tubs of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and have read many great books. LOL
I’m so Grateful to have read your story. It’s a wonderful reminder that true love must start from within. The more we love ourselves, the more love we will have to spread to others.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart….
Roxanne
Dear Roxanne
I so hear you about the Nail Polish, chocolate, brownie etc… We all need do things for oursleves, even when it may seem small. But as long as it bring a smile to our face. It is all good!
Take the best care of your body and spirit. This way you are not only helping yourself, you are making your self a better wife and a mother by fulfill your spirit. On top of that, you are also showing your children a great example by how you take care and be giving to yourself. And they will learn to do the same as they grow up.
Giovanna Garcia
It is amazing how much people think alike — even when living at opposite sides of the world, like Hong Kong and Romania. …Dennying myself at the expense of catering to others’ needs and pleasing them WAS HOW I WAS REARED and taught. …And my physical condition only added to my inactivity — not to mention the perfectionist in me and my lack of energy caused by severe allergies. …Luckily my allergies have lightened up and I met you guys for inspiration and to network with — not to mention the Romanian guru who treats me daily and teaches me how to energize my body and how to heal my body.
Thank you Giovanna and Craig,
Ovid-
[...] Ovid- [posted on 9 October 2008 - 3:13 am at http://imperfectaction.com/blog/2008/10/01/personal-development/peeling-the-onion-%e2%80%93-i-am-%e2... [...]
Wow. This is exactly what I am going through. I am a single parent to a wonderful little boy but I dont do anything really for myself. I stay up little so that I can be online for at least a few minutes while he sleeps and I don’t have to worry about him getting into something that he shouldn’t be. I work all day and then I come home and have only a few hours to spend with him before it is time for him to go to bed. I often feel extremely guilty that I have to work and then once he is asleep I feel guily for wanting to be online and have some me time.
Dear Ovid
I believe we are all connected and that is why we are so much a like. I hope my blog can help you break free from perfectionist.
Thank You for your comment and I look forward to reading more from you.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Dear Kat
I totally understand how you feel. You must not feel guily about doing things to make yourself happy. If you fill yourseleves with happiness, you will have more happiness to give to your son. Read my post Is happiness a priority? from Oct 14. That may help you.
Thanks for your comment and your share. I look forward to see more of you.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
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