Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?

I also experienced divorce. It took me 2 full years until I could be completely free from the pain. It was so painful until I found it is not my ex who is bringing me the pain, but my heart who was stubbornly refusing to heal. When I started to think what I learned from the experience, she started to melt in my memory. I am looking forward to your next posting. But, until she stops blaming her ex, she would not be free and happy.

We definitely agree with Shaw. Most of the pain we feel is because we allow it to hurt us. It took me quite a bit of time to realize it, but when it happened it was like a dark cloud lifted from over my head. I now realize, I have full control over my emotions. Pain or hurt will still happen, it’s just our human make up. But, then it can be brushed off and heal much faster because you realize YOU control of your happiness. Four years is a long time to be fighting over something that’s already been fought. Your friend has many wonderful new experiences and Joy ahead of her. But, for her to allow it into her life, she first needs to let go.
We wish true happiness and love for your friend. We already see her being grateful for this experience because it lend her to more happy days and her true love.

Many Blessings….
Hugo and Roxanne
~ Believe Achieve ~

I have no doubt that the friend experienced pain in the divorce…and likely in the marriage. But she also seems to have allowed herself to be controlled by the victim mentality, and unfortunately, there’s a lot of power there, and very little personal responsibility (because, after all, things happened TO her). Until she realizes how much this is holding her back from happiness, she will stay there…and grow more angry, vengeful, and unhappy.

Depending on who close you are to her, if there is a gentle, loving way to convey this to her, she needs to hear it.

That *is* my life, except I am not the one who is holding on unnecessarily through litigation. I then look at the situation like this: what more is there for me to learn from this? Yes, being sued continually by one’s ex is painful, but money aside (and that’s not really important), what else can I learn from this interaction?

We all hold onto people energetically for a variety of reasons. It sounds as if your friend is not completely finished exploring the dynamics of the relationship. That feels painful to us. She *should* move on. But there could be ties there between them that exist only energetically, that can’t be seen. A better question for her to ask might be, “What would I learn from going ahead with this litigation? What would be the possible outcomes (not just getting back money, but in her relationship—to whatever degree—with her ex)?” If she *really* looks at that she might find she no longer needs to go through with it. But the “they owe me” mentality can be hard to shake. Culturally, we tend to support that, as wrong as that seems. Plus, many people tend to think they’ll *finally* be happy…if. If I buy that house. If I get that job. If I have a family. If I win that lawsuit. See? You’re right in that your friend isn’t really living if she’s still caught up in this. But she may not be able to put it aside until she goes through with it.

I wish you both peace with this…sounds like it may be difficult.

My brother in law and sister in law are going through a divorce and it’s tragic. If they would put as much time and effort in working on their marriage as they are in breaking it up, they could make a go of it. The tradegy is what it is doing to their two kids and they are in their 30’s! You cannot separate what God has put together without a tremendous amount of pain.

I have four friends who have been through a divorce. It took awhile for them to get over it, but eventually, ea one said it was a learning experience–ea friend would blame the ex non-stop until ea friend realized, hey, this is nuts, can’t live like this–ea friend went out to dinner w/a group of friends–did a toast to celebrate, not an ending, but a new beginning and started dating again. So, until your friend realizes, not to be stubborn, and keep on blaiming her ex–she’ll never be happy and will never truly feel free.

[...] Other related post by Giovanna Garcia Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? [...]

[...] Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? [...]