Are you nicer to stranger then your own family?
Welcome back!
Over the holidays my Chinese parents were here for 2 weeks at our home with us. One morning my husband handed me a cup of coffee, I graciously said thank you and took the cup of coffee without thinking much about it.
My parents were watching us, and as soon as my husband walked away.
My mother said, “You already had a coffee and you didn’t need the 2nd cup. So, why did you accept it? Why didn’t you tell him “No I don’t need it?”
I told my mother, “Well, the cup was already made…beside it is not about drinking the coffee. It is more about him being kind and I being polite! If you go to someone’s house and they handed you a cup of tea, wouldn’t you accept the tea and say Thank You?”
My mother said, “But he is your husband not a friend? He is family!”
I said to my mother, “Shouldn’t we be as kind and gracious to our family as we do to friends?”
My father jumps into the conversation and he said, “your mother wouldn’t even let me hold her hand!? So we don’t hold hands!”
I told my parents, “When we go to work we spent time to make sure we are nice and polite to people. Shouldn’t we spend time to be nice and polite to our family? Wouldn’t we want a friendly and loving home to come home to? If you want your husband or wife to treat you with respect and kindness, you need to give it first!”
My father got silent and my mother was looking down on the ground. May be they were thinking about what I said.
“How much fun is it to come home to see people who are nicer to everybody else but you!?” I said and walked away with my cup of coffee.
Later I walked back into the kitchen and I saw my father giving my mother a back rub. Could it be that they were enlightened by our conversation. And they are giving being nice to each other another try?
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
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Giovanna, if anything we should be kinder and loving to our family as they, in my opinion come before friends. Friends come and go but a family should be forever. I know, as far as the young are concerned, that they tend to treat their friends, teachers etc. better, with more respect than they do their parents. You bring it to their attention and they male as if they don’t understand but I think they do.
I hope you have a great 2009.
Great post Giovanna….I think a lot of us have been guilty of this at one time or another. Maybe it stems from caring too much about what other people think of you rather than focusing on the people who really care about us. What so you think?
Thank you for visiting my new blog — and please look at your gmail address for an emessage from me, in copy to Craig too.
You are so correct in what you’re saying above, and you are so fortunate to have come to this country where you embraced fully the new culture — where people avoid saying ‘no’ to each other, try constantly to be nice and courteous to each other and where most, but not all, are gentle and loving with members of his /her own family. ….Amazing how Chinese people resemble Romanians (inside the family unit) — by treating one another for granted, unfortunately. ….Am I wrong? ….And also, newcomers and visitors do learn, fortunately.
It’s great to learn from you Gio .. & interesting to hear the reaction .. I’m sure your parents are so grateful that you’ve turned out to have such a great attitude and had the courage to adopt the principles which you’re passing on via your blog & teachings - many thanks .. let’s all learn from you
Hi Giovanna
I’m so pleased that you explained your views to your folks and it is wonderful if they took your outlook to heart.
I’ve even had the experience of people who are more willing to help relative strangers than their own family. It’s sad.
Juliet
Hi Sire
I love what you said about more kinder and nicer to our family and our love ones. I got the feeling that you must be a super cool dad. Some day may be we have chances to meet
Thanks for your comment, I always enjoy reading them.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Craig
Thanks for your honest comment. We need to care more about people we love and our family
Thanks for stopping by I enjoyed reading your thoughts.
Giovanna Garcia
Impefect Action is better than No Action
The saying ” we tend to hurt the ones that we love”. Why is that? Should it not be the other way around as you said. Thank you for the good comments. I hope that your parents took it to heart. It always works better that way. They will enjoy life more as well.
Dan and Deanna “Marketing Unscrambled”
Hi Ovid
I am not sure if most chinese are like my family? So, I can’t speak for the all of them, however it would be inrestesring to know.
Thanks for your comment, it is great to see you.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Hilary
Thanks for the kind words. I feel that I am doing my purpose. And if I can enlighten my parents of all people, that would be a honor.
Thanks for your comment, it is great to see you and know that you enjoyed the blog
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Actin is better than No Action
Hi Juliet
A lot of time I heard people say they wish for a better world, my believe is start at home first
Thanks for your comment, I enjoyed reading them.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Giovanna, who knows what the future has in store for us. If we ever do meet it would be great to swap notes, on parenting, blogs whatever.
Hi Deanna
I believe that sometime some people put on a mask when they are outside and they get so tied at pretending to be someone else. Then when they get home, they take it out on their family. Which is a trouble things to do.
Thanks for your comment. Come back anytime
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Sire
One day I will make my way to down under
And you can show us the Harbor Bridge!? 
Giovanna
Giovanna, Nice story. It is not easy to be nice and kind to our family. But, you are right that we should be nicer to our family. As your article title says, it does not make sence not to be nice to your family when you are nice to other people.
Hi Shaw
Yes, we should be as nice or nicer to our own family, the older we get the more we will need people who knows us when we were young
Thanks for stopping by, come by any time.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action