7 steps to break free from perfectionism.
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A Perfectionist lives in a world that is Black or White; it is perfect or it is not acceptable. They set standard that is often time unrealistic.
I myself had been a perfectionist. Trying to be perfect made me felt stressed and even disappointed with myself much of time because I was not able to meet my own standards easily or at all. Over time, I started to believe that I was not as capable as others. So here are the seven things that help me to overcome perfectionism. By setting realistic standard:
1. Learn to recognize perfectionism. For example: The all of nothing thinking, anything less than perfect is a failure.
2. Changing perfectionist thinking to realistic thinking. For example: Nobody is perfect. My best is the best I can do.
3. Look at the big picture. For example: what is the worst that could happen? Does it really matter? Will it still matter tomorrow or next week? Next year?
4. Be flexible. Remember that you are human not a robot, you have flexibility use it.
5. Challenge your comfort zone. Set a new standard of acceptable for yourselves. For example: Talk at a meeting without first rehearsing what you are going to say in your head.
6. Practice your new standard frequently. You are going to need to practice several times before you start to feel more comfortable with being a human with room for errors.
7. Expend your comfort zone one day at a time. Continue to take the brave steps, you will find a newer happier you.
Remember, realistic standards are standards that actually help you do your best. It does not mean that you have No Standards! Also, it is Okay to ask for help. It is hard work to face your fears and change your ways. So, make sure to always take the time to recognize and reward yourself for all the hard work you are doing.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Other related post by Giovanna Are you a Perfectionist?
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Great steps Giovanna. I also often share with my clients/patients that at the root of perfectionism is the fear of failure. I think your step 3 is fundamental to starting the process of breaking free from perfectionism.
Cesar G. Gamez, MA
FamilyInsights
I’ve been a perfectionist for a long time. I’ve subconsciously made myself think I wanted for myself what others wanted from me. When I realized what was going on, I started really working on it constantly asking myself a lot of questions, changing my comfort zone, as you said. Sometimes refusing to do something not to break the “perfect” cycle is also perfectionism. One more thing that I would add is to accept that this is happening, recognize it when it does and then promise yourself you are going to do no matter how imperfect it might turn out. It’s a process, but the one that will take you a lot further than if you put it off.
Hello Cesar
I agree you that fear of failure play a big role in perfectionism. The way how a person view and feel about “failure” is the core of the issue.
Thank you for your comment and input, I appreciate them.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Giovanna
Great list of tips!
I knew someone once who, if he made a mistake or something went wrong, used to say:
“How fascinating!”
Puts quite a different spin on it!
Juliet
Hi Stella
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can hear that when you realized that the different between what you want vs. what other want for you. That was the begining of you breaking free, and with constantly working on it you got on the road to recovery.
Thank you so much for your honesty, I personally had walked the same path
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Juliet
I really like the way how your friend react to the unexpected. That is a very good one! Thanks for sharing that with us.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
The good steps to ponder.
Previously, I always thinking, perhaps like perfectionist, that is “yes” or “no”. I myself tended doesn’t like about middle-way. The middle-way thinking is like no principle.
But lately, I had realized that human also have a wisdom.
Hi Giovanna, lovely site you have here. Your story is inspiring on how you have taken charge of your life, despite not coming from a very encouraging family background.
For a long time, I saw things in black and white too. I think part of the reason is also due to the years in formal education with its emphasis on results. It’s either all or nothing. Anything less than all is indeed considered a failure. It took me a loooong time to accept that there is beauty even in imperfection and much to celebrate about over the simplest of joys.
Thanks for sharing your post!! It’s great that you are leading life that is free of all limits!
Thanks Giovanna, I need that!
Hi Tikno
Sometime you may also find wisdom in the middle!?
Thank you for your comment, I enjoy reading them
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Evelyn
Thank you for the kind words
A lot of people see the world as black and white only, and most of us come to learn that there are a lot in the middle.
Thanks for your comment and adding to this post. I look forward to reading more from you.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Kian Ann
Great to see you! I am always here for you my friend
Thanks for stopping by, come back any time.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
[...] 7 steps to break free form perfectionism. [...]
Great steps! I’m looking forward to reading more on imperfect action.
It was very interesting to catch myself at the very beginning … the perfectionist in me almost stopped reading when I saw the typo in the title (which I have to assume was intentional) and I found myself losing focus on the message when I found other ones in the article.
Sometimes I get so lost in things being ‘right’ that I miss the value of the whole message! Thanks for the dose of introspection!
Hi Bob
My work is all about focusing on the big picture of taking action, and not to be bog down by the perfectionist in us. I am glad you read on
Thanks for your comment and support.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
[...] 7 steps to break free form perfectionism. (imperfectaction.com) [...]
[...] Yes, I have misspell and grammar problems from time to time. Last month I wrote a blog post 7 steps to break free from perfectionism. Yesterday, I got the following [...]
Giovanna,
I thought your 7 steps to perfectionism is a great post! Sometimes I get tied up trying to get the plan perfected. Since, I always want to win big!
You have to make sure your plan is still viable when you do begin! So speed is important!
Thanks
Pete
Hi Pete
I think a lot of us gets that way, wanting to be perfect.
That is why this is a topic that is very dear to me.
Thank you for your comment.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Giovanna,
I think your steps are really great. I still have problems with public speaking. Just to take part in normal class discussions in school (i’m in 11th grade) is so hard because I rarely take the risk of speaking in class fearing that it could be wrong or “imperfect” or “what will the others think of me if it is something foolish and out of place”. If i do speak i normaly rehearse in my head what to say as u said.^^ I think I should also just start getting out of my comfort zone and speak when an idea comes to my mind and when i do make errors realize that i and noone else on this earth is perfect. over time it will then become easier and easier i’m sure. I’m also a Christian and for me this is also rooted in “fear of man”. I personally want to move completley to “fear of God” and uproot fear of man because then God’s opinion is more important for you than man’s opinion and you are so assured that God approves of you, accepts and loves you no matter how many failures you make, and so it doesn’t matter if man disapproves of you. and i mean to have the approval of Him who knows everything and created evrything and of Him who is the most intelligent and the only perfect one then what does man’s opinion matter. without my Lord, my life wouldn’t make any sense, i’m so dependant of his everlasting and unconditional love which i can’t find anywhere else.
thanks for your help, Giovanna!
Hi Anjali
I remeber being the same way, about public speaking. I had a blog post here title face your fear, where I share my story about public speaking. Having God in your life is so important, it is all about you and God. You being so young and you already found you way, you are so bless. Keep doing what you are doing you are on the right path.
Thank you for your comment and sharing your wisdom with us.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
[...] 7 steps to break free from perfectionism. [...]
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