How I rebuild my relationship with my mother?
Welcome back!
All of my early adult life I was aware of my emotional issues and I attributed a lot of my issues from the imprint of my mother. My life was in a circle of depression, bad relationships; self-sabotage…I was caught in the merry go round. I spend a lot of my time and money to pursuit in personal development and self-help. I got really good at the art of diagnosing my problem. I knew why I did everything that I did. I can explain how I ended up with each one of my problem. I got so good at 
doing this that my friends would come to me for their own diagnoses.
Then one day I started to ask myself, “How much longer am I going to keep allowing my past to determine my present and my future? Isn’t it time for me to start making some changing and start taking charge of me!? So I started by taking action toward changing how I react to things and situations.”
I stop using my past as a clutch. I was not going to allow myself to use the excuses such as “I have low-self esteem, because my mother use to…” “I kept getting into bad relationship, because my parents never told me they love me … “The new me would say things like, “I know I have low-self esteem, what can I do about it?” “I just got out of another bad relationship, how can I be in a better relationship next time?” So, I started to ask questions like “How” and “What” can I do?
I had not ideal how to solve most of my problem back then, I just knew that I have to start to taking actions. And being that I was a perfectionist, all of my actions seem to be imperfect. None the less, I went ahead to take those imperfect action any way. It is because the past twenty some years weren’t working and I must do something.
Each and everyday whenever I felt bad about myself or down on myself. I take on the responsibility of do something about it. I must tell you, knowing ‘why’ I did those things did help me a lot to decide on what action I should take. Not every action I took worked for me. I knew that at least I have to give each action a chance, and I can take a different action next. Which is much better than before when I took no action; because No Action = No Chance. Then something magical started to happen, I begin to change my life. I start to overcome a lot of my issues and I begin to achieve success.
Suddenly my life was on a completely different path. I become happy, fulfill, successful … anything I want, I can make happen. And because I was focusing on what I can do for me, I operate in a place of constant truth – no more blaming.
My eyes were seeing everything and everyone in a different light. In fact I began to see my mother as a person; a human beings just like me with issues and problems that needs to be address. I started to see who she is? Where she came from? Why she did what she did?
I understand her, I know her! She was just like the old me, controlled and limited by the past. My mother is a woman just like every other woman, doing what she knows. My mother is a kind hearted woman and she was trying to figure things out. She did the best that she knew how!
I begin to have compassion for her. I begin to love as the person that she is, with all of her imperfect actions that she took with me. I am at peace with it all. Someone asked after yesterday’s post on Tell the true or keep the peace? “How did you rebuild your relationship with your mother?” Well, all I didn’t rebuild a relationship, I rebuild me!
By taken Imperfect Action on the journey to over coming obstacles in my life and consistently acted to improve my situation. I become the new me, and the new me have a new kind of relationship with my mother. And like every relationship, we have our difference, our own stories, our own baggage, our own past… Most importantly we have common ground. Our common ground is we each have our own past and problems and we are both on our journey to figure things out.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Other related post by Giovanna
How to get what you want out of life?
7 steps to break free form perfectionism.
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It’s a powerful moment when you realize your parents are not immune to making mistakes. That was a big deal for me too. Thanks for the post.
Hi Ann
Yes, when I leaned that my parents are just human and they make mistakes like everybody else. The was a big deal!
Thanks for your comment and sharing your thoughts with me.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Because at the end of the day it really is only about you (me). How, what and why all go together, the why ensures history doesn’t repeat.
I spoke to mother today - just to say hello to let her know that I still love her, even though she prefer I not call.
Thank you for the awesome words!
Hey Bruno
When I first confronted my parents 15 years ago, my mother did that something as well. I would call and she wouldn’t want to speak very much. I kept calling any way, and after a while she looked forward for my calls every Thursday. I can hear the joy in her voice every time she said ‘Hello’!
You are awesome! Keep being you
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
I’m a big believer is doing more things badly, so I love the concept of imperfect action! I also like how you declared that you are going to stop using your past as a clutch. This is a big and difficult statement and I know you are going to inspire many people by sharing your stories.
Hi Gio .. true and honest words as always .. change yourself .. look to the positive and believe in yourself and others; I’m sure your mother will come round .. she has lots of obstacles to overcome & it’s very difficult admitting you’re at fault. It’s brilliant you’re still working with her and are there for .. my mother said the same in her predicament .. she never believed I was the same daughter?!
Hi Stacey
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, one of big reason for “Imperfect Action is better than No Action” is to empower to do more! And once I stopped using my past as a clutch, I found that I no longer have the limitation that I use to believe I have. And I became to see the world in the light of “Why Not!”
Thank You for your comment.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Hilary
Thanks so much for sharing with me about you and your mother
What come downs to it is “It is all about you!” What I mean is when we change us the world around us change!
Thanks for your comment, you are a big part of this communty.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
That was very inspiring. The power of rational thinking, in such an emotional issue!
Hi Emma
Thank You for the kind words
As we all share our issue here, we can all be helping one another.
Thanks for your comment.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
[...] How I rebuild my relationship with my mother? imperfectaction.com) [...]
I have a bit of a different predicament, my mother was also my boss until she had me fired. I live with my grandparents because of college, and my friends I still have at my mother’s business have told me how she has been re-acting to my name or when someone talks about me…it’s like I’m the plague, she doesn’t want anyone that still works there to speak to me either. How do I make things better? I miss my mom a lot and I would really like to be close to her like I was before.
Hi Roxy,
Well, without knowing all of the ins and outs of you and your mother. What I can say to you is: All you can do is to be the best person you can be and forgive her. Your mother on the other hand will also have to do the same. You can’t only do your part, but she has to do her.
I do believe if you start to forgive her, than over time she will as well. There are no quick fix, it is going to take time.
Best of luck to you and your mother.
Thanks for sharing.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
this has really inspire me. i have been having so many issues with my mom because of the past. its so hard to let go of the past and so easy to blame everything on my past and how she treated me. she really does try hard to have that bond with me and my grudge that ive held on to for these past ten years just will not allow it. but now i know that its ok to just let it go and i can become a whole new person. tank you so so much!!
Hi Giovanna, The rational thinking that you provided in your article touched me. I am young and perhaps lot immatured. You article has given me a boost to change myself and inturn influence my mom. I will more discipline, patient and considerate. Thank you Giovanna.