Self Sabotage to stay safe!?
Welcome back!
Have you ever seen someone doing very well at something, and then suddenly everything falls apart? Do you know anyone like that? Someone with the potential to greatness but never got there.
A long time family friend of mine Emma is exactly that. Emma would start something new; she would work hard to prepare for her new project. She would get started on her plan and then she would see improvement needed on her plan, her plan would progressively grow bigger and bigger. Until her big plan got so big and overwhelming, then she would just walk away.
I watched her doing this for years; when we were young I would try to help her see what she was doing to herself. However, all of my words seem to fall on deaf ears. So I learned that not one can help her until she’s willing to change.
This year Emma came to me and she asked for help. We made a simple plan together and she was to do that plan daily and not get ahead of herself. Just stay with the plan, it isn’t sexy, it isn’t grand, it is just a simple plan. We would regroup weekly to create the next week’s plan. The first 3 weeks Emma was doing fantastic, Emma said, “I have never gone this far with any plans before; I have never able to see result!”
In week 4, Emma started to have excuses of why she couldn’t follow the plans. She said things like, “I’m worry about my sister because she is going through a going through a divorce. She is going to be alone with 3 kids. I spend 3 days with her try to talk her into moving near me. So that I can help her, but she is so hard headed she would listen to me! And one of my rental needed new flooring, so I went there for 3 days to supervise the contractor and thank goodness I was there. He had the wrong wood.” You guess it… she didn’t do her plan for the week.
I pointed out to Emma that if her sister wanted her help, her sister would move near her to get the help. I also pointed out that the contractor done installation before; she could have spoken with him on the phone to confirm the wood. She could just take 2 hours drive out after the work is done to pay and drive back. It doesn’t have to be 3 days.
I asked Emma “What did you think happen last week?” Emma waited a long minute then she said, “I am scare that what if this plan works, what if this really works!? I never ran a business before, what if I don’t know what to do? What if I mess up and my business felt apart?” The true came out…Emma was self sabotaging.
As much as it doesn’t make sense, Emma was more comfortable to not complete so that she wouldn’t have the chance fail. I have seen this before on other people. This is the pivotal moment for Emma; she has to decide to keep doing what she knows. Or she has to go out go the unknown and take the risk.
We will have to wait until next week to see Emma.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect action is better than No Action
Other related post by Giovanna
You are who you think you are.
I like this tag line, “Imperfect action is better than No Action”.
Good article and I think all of us can find such instances in our lives if we look back, when we associated pain with some achievement and eventually ruined it for ourselves by ourselves.
It is very important to notice our subconscious associations with our goals and plans.
I see this type of behavior almost everyday. It’s easier to find excuses not to do something then it is to face a challenge and learn something from it. Fear rules and dominates many of our lives.
Hi Giovanna,
It sounds like Emma isn’t quite ready to get out of her comfort zone. What she needs to realize is that greatness and success come right after we get over the hurdle of our fears. Believe in yourself, Emma! Have faith and gather your courage to keep going. You’ll be glad you did!
Many Blessings….
Hugo and Roxanne ~ Believe Achieve
Hi Gio .. Poor Emma not really getting past the goal post and pursuing her dreams .. I’m sure she will with your guidance ..
Hilary: Be Positive Be Happy
Oh Giovanna, I completely identify with Emma. For years I used to self-sabotage my romantic relationships. Poor Emma. Poor me.
Hi Sunny
Our subconscious is working harder for us then our conscious mind. SO it is at most important to be aware of what our subconscious is work on.
Thank you for your comment and sharing your wisdom with us.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Acton
Hi Bruno
I know what you mean about how some time people do allow fear to rule their live. I will see Emma next week and we will see if she stood up to her fear or not. What ever she thing she can do or not do, she is right.
Thanks for your comment and sharing your thoughts.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Acton
Hi Hugo & Roxanne
Emma now know the true, the ball is on her court this week. We will hear back from her next week, hopefully her faith and courage got her through. She has to decide.
Thanks for your comment and support.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Acton
Hi Hilary
Emma needs to decide to give herself the kind of life you wish for, or if she just wants to keep wishing and do not thing.
We will see next week what kind of life Emma chooses for herself.
Thanks for your comment and joining in the conversation.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Acton
Hi Daphne
I hope Emma has decided to stop self-sabotage herself. We will see next week. What got you to stop sabotaging?
Thanks for your comment and sharing your thoughts.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Acton
Great story and great reminder to check motivation.
It’s such a simple, but important check - do you want what you might get?
If there’s hesitation or concerns, it’s great to figure out what those are. They might be well-founded. Otherwise, it might just be fear of the unknown. It also might be the absence of leverage - not enough pain or not enough opportunity. In those cases, I like to find the compelling vision. If the vision isn’t compelling, of course there will be resistance.
It’s great Emma has a coach like you to help reflect her actions and results back to her. Sometimes, that’s all we need. Effective feedback loops are the key to success.
Hi Giovanna, I am agree with Hugo and Roxanne said, maybe she isn’t quite ready to get out of her comfort zone or she is afraid to fail. I think she should know the stories about successful people whose life are full of failures. There is no success without failures.
Thanks for sharing, Giovanna.
Hi JD
Fear of unknown is such a big one for so many people. Most time does comes down to how bad they really want to change. You have put out a lot of great one here, all of them are true.
I will wait to talk to her next week.
Thank you for your comment and sharing your wisdom with us, you have added more value to this.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Arswino
We will wait to see how she did next week. The ball in her court, she has to decide. She knows a lot of the success stories, about everyone’s failure. It is up to her to leave those as stories or use them as inspiration.
Thank you for your comment and sharing your thoughts.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
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